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When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us: Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives
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Customer Reviews
Rating:  - When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us
Superb book - I have been sharing with many friends. The book is really about US - letting the kids go. Not unlike the Serenity Prayer - learning what is our problem and figuring out how to resolve it. Figuring out what is not our problem and learning to let it go. Coupled with the fact that many of us who are trying to let go of our kids are at a Mid-Life crisis point (even if we are over 50 and may not live to be 100+)and need to figure out how to live the rest of our lives now that our children are gone. Simple, direct language - right to the heart of the matter. Tough but compassionate like talking to a very wise friend.
Rating: - Great book
Every parent with grown or almost grown children should read this book even if their kids haven't dissapointed them.
Rating: - Well Worth Reading!!
This book is possibly one of the best books I have ever read.
I feel that the author knows my step-daughter as well as I do if not better.
Highly recommended reading!!!!
Rating: - Excellent, solid advice, well written
Despite the indulgent and rather cheezy-sounding title, this is a sensible, well-written book with a nice balance between general discussions and anecdotal accounts of "horror stories" of parents confronting difficult choices in dealing with grown children who can't seem to grow up. I checked a few books on the subject, and this was by far the most useful.
Rating: - Validating and Empowering!
This book helped me understand and accept that my kids could swallow my life up whole UNINTENTIONALLY and really get in the way of me doing the things that I really want to do in my life.
I have always believed that it is in my kids best interest for me to raise them exactly the same way I was (at least in certain areas). So, I paid for their college education, gave them each a Visa, bought them cars, offered to pay for graduate schools, trips, insurance, etc.
What I inadvertently created, thinking I was acting in their best interest as those things were helpful to me at their age, were two kids - one with an alcohol problem and the other who's really dependent on others to do everything for him.
Don't get me wrong, they are great kids overall - these are just two aspects that have been challenging to handle.
In any event, when I discovered my son had an alcohol problem - I changed my tune in a hurry. Part of the reason he has this illness is that he has a lot of pain in his life that he's not dealing with. However, my contribution to it has been to give him too much money so he has the funds to binge drink as well as make his life so easy for him that it was enabling him rather than empowering him.
He is in denial and doesn't realize the issue. This book helped me be okay with that, realize I've done all I could by offering him treatment, etc - and that I have a life that I deserve enjoying. And that's a good thing!
With the other one, I learned that most likely I may watch him "shoot himself in the foot" over and over again. I do my best to offer him my guidance ahead of time when he wants it but usually he's a lot smarter than me he says.
So, again, I've learned that he'll do it his way and that's okay.
Again, I'm free to live my life knowing I'll help both of them to the extent they want me to that works with MY life.
There are so many parents with varied experiences on this theme. The first part of the book talks about experiences similar to mine.
The second half, though, is where I really realized that I'm okay and in fact doing good by them AND by me.
My only criticism is the word "disappoint" in the title. I didn't relate to that word personally as I didn't feel disappointed - confused, challenged, angry yes. Not disappointed because that implies expectations and I really didn't have any.
Very validating, helpful and empowering for me as a parent and as a person who deserves to enjoy their life.
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