Books - Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

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Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

by: Alfie Kohn

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Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 649.1
Edition: 1st Atria Books Trade Pbk. Ed
Format: Bargain Price
Label: Atria
Manufacturer: Atria
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 272
Publication Date: March 28, 2006
Publisher: Atria
Studio: Atria

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Editorial Review:
Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.
One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

Customer Reviews

Average Rating:

Rating:

- Not interesting or new
I accidently bought the book (by click to buy). It's not interesting or novel. Kohn's original book Punishing by Rewards is worth reading but this one's pointless and the title tells all you need to know, making the book superfluous.

Rating:

- Stimulates Self-Examination, Lacks in Practical Guidance
I like Kohn's challenge to critically examine our parenting practices, keeping in mind our ultimate goals for our children. He makes strong points emphasizing the importance of considering the consequences of our parenting choices, whether they are ostensibly positive, such as praise, or intentionally negative, such as punishment. However, I found myself anxious to get through all the theory to the practical application. My anticipation was never quite quenched by the implementation ideas offered. ... Read More

Rating:

- Moronic and Irresponsible
Is this why I have to put up with so many brats when I go out in public? Is this the same clueless fool who said you can't spoil a child? At least he admits one of his goals is to tear down the individualism this country is founded upon by replacing systems of rewards and punishment, and the goal of responsibility with navel gazing anarchy. Newsflash, author, we already have a society based on no parenting parenting, I shudder to envision a world of his making that is even more so.

Rating:

- An eye opener!
In stead of. 'No, don't do that!' I think, 'Why not?'
My daughter and my husband an I have a lot more fun together now!
I wish I could send this book to every parent.

Rating:

- Could change our lives
I found this book to be really thought provoking. It took me a while to read because it really brought up a lot of issues from my own childhood and helped me to examine them in light of how I raise my kids.

I think that following the advice of this book is more difficult than using to time outs and rewards. However, in the long run I believe in the idea of working with your children with the focus on teaching them rather then coercing them to do as they are told. For instance I have ... Read More

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